Another Letter

Dear Papa,
it's been a long time, I know.
I haven't talked to you nor thinking too much about you.
It's not that I forgot you already, but things are getting complicated lately. I don't know how to explain it but... yeah.. whatever..
I just miss you....
a lot.

I believe you saw the night when us.. your children.. had a fight.
And the brother - sisters casual fight had grown into a serious one.
I know u must be so sad. I don't have to see it but I know you do. Just like Mama.

I am trully sorry, Papa.. For not being a good daughter.
For not keeping my promise to take care of Mama.

I cried again, when my little brother came to my room, crying and told us that you were mad at him for yelling at Mama and Kakak. maybe you came on his dream, maybe he could hear your voice, I don't know. I don't wanna ask also.

It just bugs me. You had spoken to all of the family members but me. How come I have never heard your voice.
How come you have never came to my dream, except the night when I was on High School? And at that time you only said "Jangan Nakal-Nakal dong, Van"

And it makes me feel that I have dissapointed you, that you don't even want to talk to me.

I hope it's not right.

And I really miss you...